Parent or Child: Who's Really Having The Tantrum?
Do you know that your children are aware of your emotions - whether you outwardly express them or not? They may be unable to say everything that you are feeling, but, in most cases, your child(ren) mirrors and demonstrates your mood and emotions. Have your child displayed temper tantrums and other emotional upsets? It may be helpful for you to explore your emotions to identify your own hidden emotional upsets as there is a strong possibility that your child may be mirroring upsets within the parent(s) or home environment. If you're unable to identify how you, the parent, are feeling, consciously or unconsciously, pay close attention to the attitude and behavior your child is displaying. This can provide better insight into your own unrecognized emotions.
To address the tantrum:
1. Breathe - make sure you are breathing properly. When you inhale - your abdomen expands, and exhale, your abdomen contracts. Steady, proper breathing allows you to be present, and appropriately respond to what's happening in the moment.
2. Say to yourself: how can I respond to this experience with love? ...and be open to guidance from your higher self. This action will support both you and your child to express and address the emotional upset. Speak to your child with a sincere, soft/kind heart, patience, and ask him/her what s(he) needs in this moment. If the tantrum appears to happen because you said no to buying him/her a new toy, you could say: "While I'm saying no to buying you the toy, it doesn't mean I don't love you, and it doesn't mean I won't say yes in the future, but right now, I'm saying no, and that's ok. Although you're feeling __________ (ask him/her how she feels) or you could say: Although you appear to be upset about my answer, let's create feel-good emotions so we can enjoy the day, and each other's company." Parents, there's no exact blueprint with what to say. Do your best with the most loving approach.
3. Ask for assistance from a trusted, gentle, compassionate friend or professional - in the overwhelm of upset, simply asking for help can be the action that lovingly supports you through. Within the physical body, unexpressed emotions, or emotions expressed to hurt oneself or another, can show up as skin irritations on the neck and throat area of the body (anywhere on the body), as well as persistent coughing, and other conditions. As you continue to nurture your commitment to conscious parenting, be open to acknowledging and owning your emotions (no matter what they are), and be willing to know that your emotions can affect the family dynamic. Incorporate healthy approaches for the whole family, such as responsible communication among members of the family, wholesome nutrition, and flower essences (one of the most effective wellness tools to use to transform any emotional upset).
I'd love to 'hear' from you: When faced with tantrum from a child, how do you approach the situation and the child? Are you able to make a connection between the emotions you're holding onto and the child's behavior?
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